Atlanta and Southeast Beer Fest Guide: Know Before you Go (January-June)

As a beer fan and promotional employee of a brewery, I have attended numerous beer fests in Georgia and neighboring states.  Beer festivals are a great way to try many different beers without having to purchase numerous 6-packs or pints.  Just several years ago, there were only a handful of beer festivals to choose from in the entire Southeast.  Now, new ones pop up every year, and brew fans have plenty of choices to satiate their suds needs.  Unfortunately, not all fests are created equal.  There are great ones out there, but there are also some where you wish you had stayed home and spent the money on several 6-packs instead. In an effort to help guide you to the better fests, I will assign every one I've been to a grade (F-A+) based on beer quality and selection, venue, heat (a very important factor in the Southeast), VIP section quality, and bathroom situation, which can ruin an otherwise good beer festival.

I will try to be as objective as possible, but ultimately these are opinions, and you may have a better or worse time at these than I did. I haven't been to every beer fest in Atlanta, (Hoptoberfest, Cask Ale Fest, Great Atlanta BF to name a few major ones) so if there's one I've left out or if there's some you've been to wherever you live, please feel free to add it in the comments and rate it yourself. 

Winter Beer Carnival

Location- Atlantic Station
Time of Year- February
Tickets Limited- N
VIP Available- Y
Beer Quality/Selection-B
Venue- B
Heat- B
VIP Section-B+
Bathroom- C+
Charity- N
Overall- C+

The Winter Beer Carnival in Atlantic Station is unique among BFs, because of the little rides and midway style games littered throughout the grounds.  Attendees might have to suffer through frigid February temperatures, so come prepared for the weather.  Due to no ticket limits, the fest runs out of beer within several hours.  Get there early or risk missing out on popular breweries.  VIP ticket worth it.
In Conclusion: Unique and fun, but needs better planning to avoid running out of beer so quickly

Turn your empty bottles into a carnival game at the Winter Beer Carnival

Beer, Bourbon, and BBQ Festival

Location- Atlantic Station
Time of Year- March
Tickets Limited- N
VIP Available- Y
Beer Quality/Selection- B
Venue-B
Heat- B
VIP Section- A-
Bathroom- B
Charity- N
Overall- B-

This festival is the most dangerous member of the list, because in addition to a decent amount of beers, fest-goers are also able to sample about 50 whiskeys.  Needless-to-say, people get sloppy hammered in this fest.  Weather can be very cold in this one too, so bring gloves and hat.  No limit to tickets, so it gets extremely crowded.  Get there early.  VIP gets early admission and access to a tent with free bacon and pork.  It's worth the splurge.
In Conclusion: Mega-crowds that get shwasted from mix of whiskey and beer.  Proceed with caution and bring mittens

Secret Stash Bash

Location- 5 Seasons and Taco Mac Prado, Sandy Springs
Time of Year- March
Tickets Limited- Y
VIP Available- N
Beer Quality/Selection- A+
Venue-A+
Heat- A
VIP Section-N/A
Bathroom-A
Charity- N
Overall-A+

Fred Crudder, the head beer guy of the entire Taco Mac chain, organized the first Secret Stash Bash earlier in March.  The objective of the festival is to offer rare and/or cellared beers from top breweries from around the world, and it does just that.  The beer is excellent (Duck Rabbit Russian Imperial Stout aged in 23-year old Pappy Van Winkle barrels FTW), the venue is great, and the limit of just 450 tickets ensures everyone's comfortable and has equal access to the beer.  Since it's such a special event, brewery reps and head brewers make it a priority to attend in person.  If you can get tickets, do it!  You will be very happy you did.
In Conclusions: Flawless

Suwanee Beer Festival

Location- Downtown Suwanee Park
Time of Year- March
Tickets Limited- N
VIP Available- Y
Beer Quality/Selection- C+
Venue-A
Heat- B+
VIP Section-A+
Bathroom- D
Charity- Y
Overall- B-

Suwanee earns the highest marks for their VIP section, which is loaded with about 20 cask ales and good food like shrimp cocktails.  Last year was a hot one, but that was a little abnormal for a mid-March day.  No ticket limits means the place admits way too many people, and bathrooms are at a premium.  In addition to the bathrooms, the other big knock on this festival is that, starting this year, they aren't including any imports.  Why you would want to exclude a world of great beer from your fest is beyond me, but that's what they've chosen to do (Decatur BF set the precedent).  A portion of the proceeds goes to Kingdom Kids charity.
In Conclusion: Great VIP section, but marks off for domestics-only and stifling crowds

Living Social Buckhead Beer and Wine Festival

Location- Frankie Allen Park Buckhead
Time of Year- March/April
Tickets Limited- N
VIP Available- Y
Beer Quality/Selection- C+
Venue-B+
Heat- B
VIP Section- F
Bathroom-B
Charity- N
Overall- C 

Living Social organized its inaugural beer fest last year, and there's definitely some room for improvement.  Last year, fest-goers were treated to a monsoon-like downpour, which is fairly common during that time of the year.  The crowd tends to be younger, yuppy types who make a bee-line to the Blue Moon tent.  Hardcore beer connoisseurs may feel a little out of place here.  Beer selection is average at best.  The absolute worst VIP section I've ever seen with about six or seven very average beers available (I guess VIP is relative in this case).  Definitely skip a VIP ticket and possibly the entire festival.
In Conclusion: Fledgling festival with average beer selection, terrible VIP section, and a yuppy crowd

Athens/Classic City Beer Festival

Location- The Foundry Inn, Downtown Athens
Time of Year- April
Tickets Limited- Y
VIP Available- N
Beer Quality/Selection- A+
Venue-A
Heat- B+
VIP Section- N/A
Bathroom- A
Charity- Y
Overall- A

The Athens BF is one of the best run festivals on the circuit.  The weather is usually a perfect Spring day, and the spread out indoor/outdoor venue of the Foundry Inn is great.  In addition to the expansive selection of bottled beer, the festival now features a cask ale pavilion with unique and rare cask creations from breweries across the Southeast.  A limited amount of tickets means the festival can accurately plan their beer supply and bathroom situation.  It's worth the drive to attend this one.  A portion of the proceeds goes to the Athens Humane Society.
In Conclusion: One of the oldest and best beer festivals in the entire region

Wayne Baxter of Monkey Wrench Brewing expertly hammers the cask bung (heh) at the Classic City Beer Festival

Dunwoody Beer Festival- (DISCONTINUED)

As I checked the website to the see this year's date, I found out that the fest has been indefinitely discontinued.  I won't shed any tears over this one.  It was always extremely hot and took place in giant heat-collecting tents on the all-asphalt venue of the Perimeter Mall parking lot.  Sub-par beer selection+Shock Top crowd+extreme heat= good riddance.
In Conclusion: Creative destruction is a bitch.

Heritage Sandy Springs Beer Festival
Location- Heritage Park, Sandy Springs
Time of Year- April
Tickets Limited-N
VIP Available-N
Beer Quality/Selection- C+
Venue-A
Heat- B
VIP Section-N/A
Bathroom-B+
Charity- Y
Overall- B

I was lucky enough to stumble upon the inaugural festival back in 2010, and although it's pretty small-scale, I had a good time.  For what the fest lacks in beer variety (only about 70 beers), it makes up for in its grassy, amphitheatre-esque venue.  I personally like this festival, because although tickets aren't capped, you won't be overwhelmed by crowds.  All proceeds go to the Heritage Sandy Springs.
In Conclusion:The Heritage is a solid smaller beer fest worth the ticket price.

Just two burly men having a good time at the Heritage Sandy Springs BF

Buckhead Wine Festival

Location- East Andrews Complex
Time of Year-April
Tickets Limited-Y
VIP Available-Y
Beer Quality/Selection- C
Venue-A
Heat- C
VIP Section- A
Bathroom-A
Charity- Y
Overall- B

I threw in the Buckhead Wine Festival, because although it emphasizes wine, the festival includes four or five breweries for the men who've been dragged along for the ride.  Although the selection is small, the quality is pretty good (Monk's Mead e.g.).  The greenhouse-like atrium of the East Andrews Complex does a great job of trapping in heat, so it can be a little uncomfortable.  However, the smaller crowd and high quality of beers make this a great event for guys to earn brownie points with their ladies while still enjoying some good brews.  Only problem is you have to drink the beer out of wine glasses, which cramps my style.  Proceeds go to the Atlanta Community Food Bank. 
In Conclusion: A hidden gem for beer drinkers.  Don't let the name fool you.

People's delight when they discover there's beer at a wine festival.  It's truly magical.

East Atlanta Beer Festival

Location- Brownwood Park
Time of Year- May
Tickets Limited-N
VIP Available-Y
Beer Quality/Selection- B+
Venue-A
Heat- B+
VIP Section- B+
Bathroom-B+
Charity- Y
Overall- B+

For a festival that doesn't limit ticket sales, the EA Fest is one of the best.  The venue, Brownwood Park, offers ample shade for what will most likely be a pretty hot day.  Although tickets are unlimited, the large expanse of the park spreads out the crowd, so it never seems stifling.  Beer selection is pretty good, and the VIP section is worth it in this case.  Profits go to the East Atlanta Community.
In Conclusion: Great early Summer beer fest that offers plenty of shade for a hot day   

Even  Quail Man  makes it a priority to attend the East Atlanta BF

Brookhaven Beer Festival

Location- Brookhaven MARTA Station Access Road (Apple Valley Rd.), how beautiful.
Time of Year- June
Tickets Limited- N
VIP Available- N
Beer Quality/Selection- C+
Venue-D
Heat- D
VIP Section- N/A
Bathroom- C
Charity- Y
Overall- C-

What can I say about this one?  Extremely hot, terrible all-asphalt venue right by the MARTA parking lot, narrow walkway clogged with people (good luck trying to make your way to the bathroom), average at best beer selection, Blue Moon crowd, no ticket limit.  Feel free to skip this one.  Portion of proceeds goes to the Atlanta Fundraising Foundation.
In Conclusion: Not worth it

Atlanta Summer Beer Festival

Location- Masquerade Music Park
Time of Year- June
Tickets Limited- N
VIP Available- N
Beer Quality/Selection- B+
Venue- B
Heat-D-
VIP Section- N/A
Bathroom- B
Charity- N
Overall-B+

The ATL Summer BF is brought to you by the same organizers as the Winter BF (not Winter Carnival), Great ATL BF on Turner Field, and Hogs and Hops.  The worst part of this festival is the scorching heat, which makes it tough to stick around for too long.  What I really like about this one is that most of its offerings are on tap, which is quite unique in the world of beer fests.  The venue is a grassy, shadeless expanse in the back of the Masquerade.  If you can survive the heat, go for it. 
In Conclusion: Enjoying the wide selection of draft beer is made difficult by the sweltering heat

NEXT INSTALLMENT: July-December for Georgia and some Tennessee and North Carolina festivals

How to get your Lady to like Beer Part III:Leaping into Hops

I Hop, you Hop, some of us Hop for Hops

In the previous "How to get your Lady to Like Beer" installments, we covered basic lagers and ales and progressed to the malty, high-gravity styles like Russian Imperial Stouts and Belgian Quads.  Today, we're going to leap into hops, which can be a rather acquired taste compared to the previous styles.

In a previous, severely unread post (What's in your Beer), I explained how hop varieties and their unique alpha acid (AA%) characteristics impart International Bittering Units (IBUs) to beer through the boiling process.  In addition to bittering, hops also produce aromatic compounds that give beer its floral, earthy, piny, and/or citrusy bouquet depending on what varieties are used.

Admittedly, very hoppy beers are not for everyone, and unless it's done in a balanced way, extreme IBUs can, in my opinion, be overwhelmingly bitter and painful to drink.  In recent years, a good handful of American and a couple of European breweries have engaged in a bit of a hops arms race where each has attempted to brew a beer with higher IBUs than its competition with little consideration given to how the beer actually tastes (Mikkeller 1000 IBUs).) I find this practice to be poppy cock, and I will have none of it. However, for better or for worse depending on your tastes, slapping on an "American" in front of a style (e.g. American Pilsener) almost always implies it contains higher IBUs than its European namesake.  More hops is as American as cherry pie and Jason Biggs. 

After that warning, it's important to reiterate that a beer with high IBUs doesn't necessarily mean it will taste extremely bitter.  Very malty beers, like Russian Imperial Stouts for example, finish with high IBUs, because generous portions of hops are necessary to balance the amount of  malts required to bump the gravity up.  In all the beers featured in this page, you will easily detect the IBUs due to the lower malt profiles' lack of sweetness, which won't mask the bitterness of the hops.  So let's get hoppy, because life's too short.

NOTE: The below IBU range statistics are taken from the BJCP 2008 Guidelines Here

Step I: English Pale Ale  IBUs: 25-50
The English pale ale is a great introduction to the world of hops, and I personally love the style.  EPAs are sessionable ales characterized by low gravities, medium maltiness, and mild, floral hop usage.  These are the type of beers you can drink pint after pint of at the pub and still be sober enough to watch The Mighty Boosh when you get back to your flat.  EPAs are further broken down into the following categories from ascending IBU order:

Standard/Ordinary Bitter: e.g.Boddington's, Fuller's Chiswick Bitter, Tetley's
Special/Best/Premium Bitter: e.g. Fuller's London Pride, Young's Special, Goose Island Honkers
Extra Special/Strong Bitter (ESB): Fuller's ESB, Bass, Old Speckled Hen

EPAs and the Mighty Boosh are my favorite British exports

Step II: American Pale Ale (APA) (IBUs 30-45)
The American Pale Ale is the style that launched the U.S. craft beer movement and the utilization of purely American hops.  APAs are one of my favorite styles, because they showcase uniquely citrusy and earthy American hops (Simcoe, Cascade, Centennial, Citra, Chinook e.g.) without going overboard with the IBUs.  Of course the paradigm of the style is Sierra Nevada's Pale Ale, which I maintain has been the best APA for over 30 years.  APAs will serve to acclimate your lady's palette and nose to American hop styles, which will be in abundance in the American IPA style coming up.

Sierra Nevada now grows their own hops on their property.  Try their Estate Ale for a beer with optimal hop freshness.

Step III: English IPA (IBUs 40-60)
The English IPA (India Pale Ale) style originated from the need for beer to last the months-long journey from England to it's "Jewel in the Crown" colony, India.  A generous addition of antibiotic hops helped to preserve beer and prevent it from becoming infected.

 I love English IPAs for their delicate use of hops and malt balance.  English IPAs tend to consist of more floral hops and aromas than their American counterparts and come in at much lower IBUs.  The lack of extreme IBUs, in my opinion, allows you to appreciate the hops much more, because it won't destroy your palette.  If you ever have a chance to try an English IPA on cask (warmer temperature and softer carbonation), do it!  Hop aromas and flavors shine brightest in cask IPAs, because they aren't masked by high carbonation and unnecessary cold serving temperatures.  Commercial examples include: Samuel Smith India Ale, Fuller's IPA, and Goose Island IPA.

Inbetweeners is another excellent UK export

Step IV: American IPA (IBUs 40-70)
We're now venturing into acquired taste territory, which may not be for everybody.  Compared to English IPAs, American versions tend to ramp up the IBUs and utilize dry hopping.  Dry hopping is the process of adding hops to the beer after the boil.  Since hops only release bittering Alpha Acids when boiled, the only point of dry hopping is to enhance hop aroma in the finished product.  With that said, American IPAs smell and taste strongly of native hops. 

AIPAs can range from pale yellow to jet black (Black IPAs), and abv% should run from 5.5% to 7.5%.  Good or bad,  IPAs have completely dominated the American craft beer landscape for the past decade or so.  Just about every American brewery has their own version of an IPA  Fortunately for us, the beauty of IPAs is that there are literally an infinite number (is that an oxymoron?) of hop, malt, and brewing technique combinations you can use to brew one.  No two IPAs are the same, so you have a lot of drinking to do.  I could write an endless list of commercial examples, but some of my favorites are Heavy Seas Loose Cannon, Bell's Hop Slam, and Victory Hop Devil. 

Step V: Imperial IPA/Double IPA (DIPAs) (IBUs 60-120)
To be honest, I'm not a big fan of this style and wouldn't hold it against you or your lady if you just cower from this final hop step.  Imperial IPAs wrench up the ABV to 10+% in many cases and can feature a ridiculous amount of hops that will literally burn your throat.  Unfortunately, brewers will often abandon taste and balance in favor of a high IBU number on the label to attract rabid hop heads who jump over themselves to drink a beer that threatens to obliterate their hardened taste buds. 

If you want to try to find an Imperial IPA you might like, ask for a sample before you order a whole glass.  It can be pretty tough to finish a whole 10-12oz pour (customary for high gravs) of these babies, especially if you're fairly new to hops.  Caveat Emptor. 

Well my friends, we've been on quiet an epic beer journey from fruit beers to Russian Imperial Stouts, to Double IPAs.  I think at the end of this, we can all come clean and admit this guide has been more for you than for your "lady" friend, whose real name may or may not be Ronaiah Tuiasosopo. 

Beer goes great with catfish

For those of you reading in the US, UK, and Germany and other far away places, thank you, and continue to do so.  Recently, I realized my comment section had been disabled for non-followers. It should work now, so let the insults fly.  Cheers!

The Anheuser-Busch InBev/Miller Coors Empire: The Good, the Bad, and the Bubbly

Ever drank a Kona Pipeline Porter?  Goose Island Matilda?  How about the sessionable, pub ale, Boddington's?  If so, did you know you were drinking an Anheuser-Busch InBev or Miller Coors-owned product? 

Thanks to one of my home brew friends, I recently came across a list of breweries partly or wholly owned by either Anheuser-Busch (AB) InBev or Miller Coors.  The amount of breweries these conglomerates collectively own is staggering.  Take a look here: Big Brewers Brands (Thanks to Brookston Beer Bulletin for compiling the list, which is not an easy task).

Even one of our own local breweries, Terrapin, although not on the above list, is partly owned by Millers Coors (Terrapin/Miller Coors Deal). 

Among this list, I personally often drink the European brands Spaten, Beck's, Franziskaner, Leffe, Stella Artois, and Pilsener Urquell.  I never knew until now they had "sold out" so to speak, and on second inspection, may not even be so European anymore. 

Beck's, founded in Bremen, Germany in 1873, now brews out of St. Louis for all products sold in America

When I first skimmed the list, I was about to dust off the bongo drums and write an anti-multinational corporation diatribe about how no good could possibly come from traditional and microbreweries selling away their souls and identities to make a quick buck (or millions of bucks). 

Indeed, it is a little unsettling  to see 600 year old breweries such as Spaten with proud traditional brewing values being bought out by a multinational corporation.  Will quality suffer in favor of an enormous amount of quantity?  Will the brewers continue to produce their beers the same way they've been brewing for centuries, or will InBev/Miller Coors forcibly influence how and what they brew to maintain a comfortable profit margin?  In America, will the lack of independent control hinder innovation in favor of what comfortably appeals to the masses? But then, as I'm so apt to do, I got to thinking. . .

There's a picture for everything on the internet

Would most of these foreign brands even be available in the U.S. if it wasn't for the financial backing of the heavy hitters?  Would you find the Argentinian beer Quilmes, for example, in your local Kroger if it wasn't for the shipping, importation, storage, and distribution capabilities of AB InBev or Miller Coors?  If it wasn't for AB InBev, would a 12-pack of Spaten Oktoberfest still cost only $11.99 at the local package store, or would it sell for $12.99 a 6-pack like its independent, Bavarian counterpart, Augustiner? 

Augustiner is my favorite Bavarian brewery and is still independently owned and operated in Munich going on its 700th year.  But damn is it expensive!

Ultimately, brewing is a business.  To be fair, the principle objective of any passionate brewer is to make great beer.  However, the second goal of commercial brewing is to be able to make a living (hopefully a comfortable one) from turning your dream into a reality.  For a brewery, the profit margin for a case of beer is miniscule (Three Tier System).  Beer producers must sell a substantial volume in order to turn a profit, and the best way to do that is to increase capacity and expand to new markets.  For better or worse, InBev and Miller Coors can financially and logistically support a brewery looking to expand in exchange for a part or full stake in the business.  

Unfortunately, from the perspective of small, independently-owned microbreweries, the big two and their "sell outs" pose an unfair competitive advantage.  The smaller guys sell less volume, and thus must sell their products at a higher price than those supported by large corporations.  For the average consumer just looking for a 6-pack to bring to a party, $6.99 for Spaten looks a lot more attractive than $8.99 for Jailhouse e.g.  Needless-to-say, microbrewery owners, understandably, are opponents of corporate takeovers. 

In summation, the corporate arms race between AB InBev and Millers Coors is a double edged sword (of Damocles for independent brewers).  Conquered breweries often forfeit their traditional identities and methods, and possible quality, in exchange for larger markets, increased exposure, and greater brewing capacity. Also, small, independent breweries must struggle to compete with the low prices and ubiquitous exposure of the acquired brands.  However, without the financial aid of the big two, we most likely would never have had the chance to try many of these beers, and if we did, they would come at a much higher price than what we've grown accustomed to. 

Now that's some fair and balanced coverage!

How to get your lady to like beer: Part II The Dark Side

"The darkest path to Mordor is wrought with malts, high IBUs, increased gravity, and orcs."
JRR Tolkien, The Lord of the Rings

After crossing over to the dark side you'll be ready for your Thriller music video closeup

In my last world famous (in this case it's an extremely small world after all) post, I outlined the beginning steps to wean your lady friend from weeny-tinis to great beer.  We started with fruit beer and then progressed to hefeweizens and light lagers and ales.  In this post, we will bravely venture to the dangerous and dark path of the malts on our way to beer glory and equality.  I warn you, this won't be easy, but knowing that you're a brave little toaster gives me confidence that we'll make it.  So let's leave our safe confines, drop some bread crumbs, and start the perilous and delicious journey to the DARK SIDE.

Fear is toast!

Generally speaking, beers with heavy malted grain bills are slightly sweeter and definitely higher gravity than lighter grain bills.  Basically more malts means more fermentable sugars for our yeast to snack on, become gassy, and fart out carbon-dioxide and alcohol.  Although higher malt styles are generally associated with a darker color (as in this cheeky post), it's not always the case.  The Belgian tripel is a great example of a high grain bill beer with a light color.  The base grains (e.g. 2-row, pilsener, et al.) which give the most fermentable sugars are mostly light in color, so a lighter color beer can be just as high gravity as a darker one.  Enough boring crap.  Let's start our journey.

 Dunkelweizen, Dunkels (black lagers), Weizenbocks, Dopplebocks
In our first lesson, we featured hefeweizens as a style that flaunts fantastic fruity flavors (that, my friend, is alliteration for your pleasure) using only the four base ingredients of brewing. Some brewers say love is the fifth ingredient, but German styles in this category must adhere to the Reinheitsgebot beer purity law, and thus love is strictly verboten.  Despite these styles being completely void of love, they serve as a great springboard to the dark side, because they are just darker malt versions of hefeweizens, pilseners, and bocks.  A dunkelweizen still contains those fruity esters and clove flavors of hefeweizens, but it introduces a maltier backbone and darker color.  Dunkels are crisp like pilseners but slightly sweeter.  Weizenbocks are darker, higher gravity (6.5%-8%) combinations of hefeweizens and dopplebocks.  Finally, dopplebocks are stronger, slightly sweeter versions of a dunkel. 

Basic Stouts and Porters
Stouts and porters are the poster children of malty beers.  The classic styles feature very approachable lower-in-weight grain bills with darker malts such as roasted barley and chocolate malt (refers to how long the grain is roasted).  Basic stouts and porters finish with normal abvs (4-5%) and higher IBUs to balance the flavor of the darker malts.  Within the basic stout category are sub-styles:

•   Dry stout- roasted malt flavor and aroma.  Finishes dry (duh)
•   Sweet stout- similar to dry, but with more of a sweeter finish
•   Milk stout- uses lactose, which does not ferment out thus adds sweetness to end product
•   Oatmeal stout- creamy earth flavors from oats
•   Foreign Extra- roasted bitterness. Can go up to 8%

Chocolate malts do not contain chocolate.  The name refers to the longer roast that gives the malt its dark brown color.

High Gravities: Russian Imperial Stout, Baltic Porter, Belgian Quad, Belgian Tripel, Barleywine, Strong Ale, Scotch Ale
If your lady has shown promising results with the previous styles, the next logical step is to wrench it up a notch (Like these guys) by introducing the heavy hitters of the dark empire.  All of the styles in this step are brewed with a large amount of malts (not necessarily dark) and finish at high gravities.  For the new beer drinker, the Belgian tripel (8-10% abv) is a great choice to ease into this category as the flavors and aromas are similar to those of wheats.  Start with the tripel and perhaps move on to the Belgian quad, which finishes on the sweeter side due to the candy sugar adjunct common to the style.  For the rest, just trial-and-error it.  All of these are excellent styles, and some commercial examples like Westvleteren 12 Belgian Quad are considered among the best beers in the world. 

Westvleteren 12  is the highest rated beer in the world on Beer Advocate

Now that you and your lady have officially degenerated to the dark side, the only challenge that awaits you is the noble path of the hops.  In my next post, we will begin the hop journey, but for now, take a look in the mirror and see what the dark side has done to you.  Sorry about that.

Crossing over to the dark side sometimes has scary side-effects, my precious

How to get your lady to like beer: PART I

POLITICALLY CORRECT PREFACE:  In Ancient times, women were the brewers of the family while the men threw some spears and scratched their loin cloths.  Women haven't always been beer-averse, but  throughout history, beer has been associated more with masculinity while wine and fruit cocktails have been viewed as more feminine.  Despite major breweries such as Lazy Magnolia now being led my women, this slowly changing perception persists, and I now plan to capitalize on it.

Rosy the Riveter was the original bad ass lady beer drinker

Gentlemen, would you like to go out with your girlfriend, wife, fiancee (hopefully not all three at once) and enjoy some great beers together, but can't because she hates the taste?  Well I'm here today to tell you it is possible to train your lady to like beer.  It worked on my girlfriend, and it will surely work on yours given a little patience and persistence.

The goal of the program is to gently ease your yaya pants sister from more fruity beers to basic beers and eventually into hardcore hoppy, malty, and high grav beers such as imperial IPAs, Russian stouts, and strong Belgians. Without further ado, let's get drinking.

STEP 1 Fruity Beers (e.g. Lambics and other Fruits)

In our PC Preface, we somewhat offensively suggested that women predominantly like wine and fruity cocktails.  In my life experience this assumption holds to be empirically flawless, which is why we must begin with beers that include fruit.  It's very important that you do not include ciders or meads in the beginning as they are technically wines and not beers.

In this step we are going to gently ease into beers that have familiar flavors and tastes of wine or cocktails.  Some great choices for this step are Abita's Purple Haze, Sweetwater Blue, Carolina Strawberry Ale, Well's Banana Bread, Dogfish Head Aprihop, and Lindeman's Kriek (cherry infused lambic).  The goal of the fruit step is to knock down some preconceived notions of what beer must taste like and also to have our subject become more comfortable with ordering and drinking a beer over the usual crap-tini.

Lindeman's Kriek is brewed with cherries.  Good starting point.

Feeling Sassy?- Try adding a sour component, which could lead to a taste for Flemish sours.  A good example is New Belgium's Tart Lychee.

STEP 2 Hefeweizens and Light Wheats

In the first step, we introduce beers that actually contain fruit or fruit extract.  In the second step, we're going to introduce her to a style that yields fruity flavors and aromas without actually containing fruit.  Esters, which hefeweizen yeast produces plenty of in the fermentation process, give the style fruity aromas and flavors such as banana.  To emphasize the fruity characteristics, feel free to add a lemon or orange wedge to the rim.  Hefeweizens are brewed with light grain bills and hop profiles.  It's an extremely approachable style for the nouveau beer drinker.  Now that she likes a classic beer style with no gimmicks added (just the four standard beer ingredients), we can move on to some basic lagers and light ales.

Weihenstephaner Hefeweizen: All the flavor with none of the masculinity

Feeling Sassy?- Try a weizenbock, which is a hybrid of a high-gravity dopplebock and a hefeweizen.  Darker, more alcohol, and slightly sweeter than a hefeweizen.  Schneider Aventinus is a great choice.

STEP 3 Pilseners, Vienna Lagers, Kolschs et other lights

Now that she's used to real beers, we can ease into some core styles that are neither very hoppy nor malty.  By drinking the styles in this step, she will acquire a taste and smell for slightly more hoppy and drier beers than their predecessors.  The hoppiest of these styles will be the pilsener (e.g. Pilsener Urquell), especially if it's an Americanized version.  However, none of them will be as hoppy as pales or IPAs.  The maltiest will be the Vienna lager (e.g. Dos Equis Amber), which is a great, soft balance between hops and malts.  This step will also serve as the divergence point from which you and your lady can pick your path among two epic journey choices: hoppy or malty.

Although an ale, the kolsch style from Cologne is a great, crisp light beer. Reissdorf is my favorite.

Feeling Sassy?- Try a Belgian Golden Strong.  Belgian golden strongs, such as Duvel Single and Leffe Blond, taste just like a light lager or ale, but pack a nice punch at about 7-8% abv.

To be Continued in Part II

  For the sake of brevity, I'll break this post into two parts and give you a chance to try out the techniques at the bar.  In the next post, we'll tackle the hop path leading up to Imperial American IPAs and the malty path leading up to Imperial Stouts/Porters.  Until then, go ahead and start the program.  Tell me how it goes.  Cheers!

Why do Americans Drink Beer?

Beer is a wonderful thing.  So why doesn't the whole world produce and drink quality beer?  What's up with the Southern Hemisphere and their crappy brews?  Well, sit back in your thinking chair, and allow me to completely blow your distinguished yet fragile mind.

The best beer in the world historically comes from a handful of countries.  These abodes of ales and landmarks of lagers include Germany, the Czech Republic, Belgium, the United Kingdom, and Ireland.  Within the past three decades or so, the United States has become the newest and most prolific brewing and consuming powerhouse in the world.  According to the Brewers Association, as of July 2012 there were 2,126 breweries in the United States (American Breweries).  Compared to runner-ups Germany (1,250 breweries) and the UK (about 1,000 breweries), the US is the clear global winner in total beer production. 

In terms of global beer consumption, our rank in the world depends on what stat you want to use.  If we use liters per capita, the Czech Republic is the world's victor at 156.9 liters per person annually.  However, in absolute terms, the US blows the Czech Republic out of the water at about 25.5 billion liters compared to 1.6 billion.  'Merica!!

America FTW, Brother!!!!

So how did we become such a global beer behemoth?  Well, like all things good it's mostly due to a combination of hop geography and immigration.  Over the years, hops replaced herbs as the integral flavoring and aromatic component of brewing.  It just so happens, that most hop varieties grow best between the 47th and 51st lines of latitudes north.  Within these parameters lie Southern Germany (Hallertau and  Tettnanger used in most German beers), Bohemia, Czech Republic (Saaz, used in pilseners), and Southern England (Goldings and Fuggles used in most British and Irish ales). In all of the above countries, beer is king.  If we traverse the 47th line latitude southbound, we begin to enter the European wine zone (France, Portugal, Italy, Spain, Greece).  These dry Mediterranean countries have perfect climates for grape varietal growing, but not so much for rearing hops like their northern Euromates (as of right now, that's a word).

Hops growing in the Hallertau area of Bavaria. 

Once we know where hops and consequentially beer as we know it Today come from, it's not difficult to see why Americans love the suds so much.  I would bet that you are partly or even wholly an ancestral product of immigrants from the UK, Ireland, or Germany, all of which grow lovely hops and produce great beer.  Along with muskets, powdered wigs, and a cesspool of foreign diseases, our European ancestors also imported the centuries-old art of brewing.

These guys look fun to hang out with but probably reek some major Colonial B.O.

Iconic American breweries such as Anheuser-Busch (makers of Budweiser named after the town Budweis in the Czech Republic where Busch was inspired to brew pilseners), Coors, and Miller were all started by German immigrants in the 19th Century.

If we fast-forward a bit to the late 20th Century, the American micro-brew movement begins America's second revolution, in which we began to innovate and create distinctly American styles of beer using native American grown hops primarily grown in the Northwest Pacific states of California, Oregon, and Washington.  With breweries like Sierra Nevada and Anchor spearheading the craft-brew movement, America soon becomes the world's leader in the total number of breweries and annual barrel production.

Kenn Grossman: American craft-brew demigod and founder/owner of the highly influential Sierra Nevada Brewery

And so that brings us to Today, when new breweries like Mayday continue to pop up on a daily basis all over the country.  America always has been and always will be a beer country, and for that, I am most grateful.  If this post didn't get your patriotic juices flowing, then you are either a sleeper cell Russian spy or you prefer wine, both of which are serious offenses.

USA, USA, USA!!

 Until next time, friends. 

Monday Night Brewing Opening to Public

BREWERY ALERT!! One of Atlanta's newest and fastest growing breweries, Monday Night Brewing, makers of Eye Patch IPA, Drafty Kilt Scotch Ale, and Fu Man Brew Wit, are opening their brand-new facility to the public starting Monday night, of course, of next week.  In addition to Monday January 21st, the brewery will be taking visitors on Thursday 1/24 and Saturday 1/26.  Tickets are $12 (normally will be $10 once their payment system is fully up and running and they don't have to use a third party) and limited due to space constraints, so get yours while you can.  Admission includes a pint glass and four samples, all of which will be the Drafty Kilt for me.  It's my favorite Scotch ale in the universe.  Here's the link: 

Monday Night Opening

After you visit the MLK Memorial, make your way to the brewery on Monday from 5:30-7:30pm. Come sporting a necktie.  They really enjoy ties.  See you there!

Brewery Spotlight: Mayday Brewery

A couple of days ago, I had the great pleasure of visiting the Mayday Brewery in Murfreesboro, Tennessee. For all you non-Volunteers, Murfreesboro sits about 45 minutes east of Nashville and is the home of Middle Tennessee State University and the Stones River Battlefield (Civil War).  Luckily for Murfreeburrowers (I like to think that's what they go by), the city can now add its first brewery, Mayday, to their list of attractions.

Welcome to Mayday Brewery

After numerous years home brewing and three years of preparation after deciding to take the commercial plunge, owners Lee "Ozzy" Nelson and his wife Pamela officially opened their former silk factory doors on November 30th of this year.  Mayday not only already has its own enormous brew space (many new breweries contract out before moving into their own facility), but it also features a great tasting room and bar where four-beer samplers, pints, and growlers flow freely.  I visited on a Thursday evening, and the tasting room was booming with happy patrons eager to embrace their community's first brewery.

Tasting room bar.  Say hi to co-owner Pamela when you visit.

Co-owner Pamela works the tasting room bar serving the breweries first four offerings: Boro Blonde, Angry Redhead Red Ale, Velvet Hustle Distinguished Pale Ale, and Evil Octopus IBA (India Black Ale).  Each recipe has been painstakingly perfected via trial and error by owner Lee for almost two decades.  In addition to the original four, the Jubilee IPA was scheduled to be released several days after our visit, so I unfortunately didn't get to try it.  It's very rare for a new brewery to open with more than one or two beers in the lineup, but Mayday proudly adheres to a "balls-to-the-wall" mentality, and it shows in their decision to brew five ales in the opening month.

Literally, Mayday's balls of steel hang from these steps.  Figuratively, however, they are very much to the wall.

After stints at the Goose Island and Metropolitan breweries and training at the Siebel Institute of Brewing Technology in Chicago, Nick "Wiz" Wisniewski helms the 30 barrel (945 gallons) Mayday system as head brewer and sometimes tour guide.  Wiz expertly adapts owner and former home brewer Ozzy's longtime recipes to a commercial scale. 

Head Brewer Nick "Wiz" Wisniewski.  Despite visiting on a non-tour day, Wiz hospitably volunteered to show us around.

Mayday's 12,000 square-foot facility houses four 30 barrel fermenters, and it takes about three weeks  to fully produce one batch of beer from the milling of the grains to kegging the end product.  By Tennessee law, all fermenter tanks have to be either named or numbered.  Naturally, Lee, who is an avid Ozzy Osbourne fan, named each tank after a member of one of his and this blogger's favorite bands: Black Sabbath. 

Owner Lee "Ozzy" Nelson proudly standing by the Black Sabbath frontman's fermenter.  Rock on Iron Man, rock on.

 Ozzy and Wiz aim to ". . .Make beer that you want to drink more than one of. . .easy-to-drink, balanced beer," and that's exactly what they've managed to do.  All four offerings feature a delicate use of hops that adroitly complement and balance their malt profiles.  By antiquated Tennessee law, all four come in at 6.2% ABV (Evil Octopus sits right at the limit of 6.2%) or below, which adds to the sessionability of the lineup.  If you're a fan of extreme IBUs with no consideration to balance, then these beers might not be for you.  However, if you enjoy well-balanced sessionable brews in the mode of traditional British ales, Mayday's lineup will perfectly satiate your tastes.  In a world gone mad with IBUs and extreme ABVs, a brewery like Mayday is a very welcomed addition. 

Like championship banners, the Mayday lineup hangs from the atrium ceiling

In the long term, Mayday plans on rolling out a canning line and adding more members to their eclectic line of ales.  In the short term, the brewery is very content with their grateful local Murfreesboro fans who, in less than a month's time, have already openly embraced their city's newest, and best in my opinion, attraction.

The cozy sitting room with visitors drinking pints and four-ale samplers

Next time you're driving up to Nashville, or are anywhere in the vicinity, do yourself a favor and stop by the brewery.  Pick up a growler, order a sampler, and enjoy the company of the Mayday crew who like to relax in the tasting room and chat with visitors after a hard day of brewing. You definitely will not be disappointed.

I want to thank the Mayday family for their hospitality and hope to visit again very soon.

 Cheers!

Thumbs up for the Evil Octopus IBA.  My favorite of the four, its eight evil arms signify the beer's eight naughty hop additions

How Long Will My Beer Last?

Today we'll quite masterfully reply to a commonly asked question about one's beer stash: How long will it last?  I literally receive millions of letters a week from rabidly loyal fans about this topic.  (DISCLAIMER: no one actually reads this blog, and it's probably for the best that they don't, but if I did have fans, they would probably be the John-Hinckley-need-a-restraining-order type who send in millions of letters a week.) I digress a bit, but I thought now would be a good time to attempt an answer to this ageless question.

Not now creepily, obsessive, lady-fans, it's time to blog

The number one factor in determining how long your beer will last is its alcohol content.  The higher the abv%, the longer it will last and still taste good. Plain and simple. Although hops and their alpha-acids aid in preserving and disinfecting beer to a certain extent, a brew's IBU spec pales in comparison to its gravity (alcohol) when considering potential shelf life. 

In fact, styles that showcase hops such as pale ales and IPAs make rather poor candidates for aging.  As hop-heavy styles age, the flavor and aroma of the hops begin to dull and become more mild.  IPAs, pales, American reds, et other hoppy styles are really best drunk as close to the release time (or the end of the bottle conditioning/forced carbonation kegging time in home brewing) as possible.  However, if you mistakenly bought a beer that's just too hoppy for your taste, by all means, try letting it mellow out by aging it several months. 

So let's tackle how long your beer will actually last, and still taste as the brewer intended.  Of course these aren't rigid rules, but more of a loose guideline to work from. It's not an entirely black and white issue, but the following chart attempts to set fairly broad parameters for optimum beer life sorted by abv%.  I purposely overlapped the ABV% values, to cover the decimals (i.e. 4% vs 4.5%):

ABV%                       Storage Limit Time for Optimum Flavor
4 or less                      3 months
4-6                              6 months
6-8                              1 year
8-10                            3 years
10+                             3+ years

If you're looking to age a higher gravity beer for a year or longer, some ideal styles include wheat wines, barley wines, Belgian tripels, Belgian quads, strong ales, dopplebocks, and meads/real ciders* (technically not beers, but commonly made by home brewers).  Basically, any high gravity beers that tilt more towards the malty side than their hoppy counterparts will be great candidates for aging. 

If you do plan on aging your fancy schmancy Westvleteren 12, Allagash Curieux, or Sierra Nevada Bigfoot, store your bottles upright in a dark, dry room at about 50-60 degrees.  Each year your beer ages, possible harsh alcohol tastes will begin to mellow, and new complex flavors will begin to emerge, especially in bottle conditioned ales (the yeast is still in the bottle and very much alive). 

If you want to compare an aged ale to a more recent bottle, The Brickstore and the Porter Beer Bar are great Atlanta locations that have a vast collection of in-house cellared bottles.  If you don't have a cellaring bar near you, start your own aging program NOTE: An extraordinary amount of will power is required. 

The Brickstore's massive cellar.  A great place to chain and wall in a buddy over a glass of Amontillado if so inclined.

So get to aging, and in a week you can tell me how it's going in your next batch of letters.  By that time, the restraining order should be in full force.  Ttyl.

Home Brewing and the Zombie Apocalypse: A Survival Guide

 In the last post, we briefly discussed why purchasing a normal home brew kit makes much more sense than the maligned alternative of Mr. Beer.  Hopefully, you took my advice and are now a proud owner of some authentic home brew gear. If not, perhaps this post might prod you along in making that purchase.

As I'm confident you all know by now, a zombie apocalypse is fast approaching. This new world order will put every living soul's survival skills to the most extreme test.  Fortunately for us, many of the components found in real home brew kits will prove to be necessities for surviving in this cruel world.  As a home brewer born and raised in Georgia, the home of The Walking Dead, who briefly interned at the CDC, I feel uniquely qualified to author this guide on how to utilize home brew equipment and accessories to thrive in the perilous environment of the impending zombie apocalypse.

When a zombie meets a home brewer

The featured equipment is owned by most if not all home brewers.  When the mysterious virus spreads, we need simply to board up the doors and windows, go to the garage or basement, and collect the following components from our home brew stash:

Tubing
Brewer's Use: Siphoning beer to/from pots and carboys and bottling
Zombie Apocalypse (ZA) Use: Siphoning off gasoline

Plastic tubing is used at just about every stage in home brewing to transport our beer from one receptacle to another.  In the ZA, we will use our brewing tubes to siphon off gasoline from the abundant supply of wrecked cars piled up everywhere.  In addition to fueling our cars, we will also combine this gasoline with another brewing necessity to make arguably the most effective primitive zombie weapon: the Molotov cocktail.

Bottles
Brewer's Use: Hold fermented beer
ZA Use: Molotovs, storage

The standard 5 gallon batch of beer translates to a little over two cases of 12oz bottles.  As long as we haven't completely transitioned to kegging, each batch will require us to have about 50 bottles on hand.  Most brewers have much more than that laying around.  Using our tubing, it's recommended to fill at least 30 of these bottles with our siphoned gasoline for Molotovs.  Other than a bulldozer or more sophisticated explosives, the best way to take out a slowly approaching herd of zombies is of course the Molotov.  Why the good folks on The Walking Dead never produced an arsenal of Molotovs while holed up in the barn is beyond me.  Needless to say, We will also utilize our bottles as beer and water vessels for easy transport.

Zombies hate Molotovs

Propane Burner and GasTank
Brewer's Use: Boiling Wort and heating water for mashing and sparging
ZA Use: Cooking, boiling water, explosives

Once we upgrade from partial-mash to all-grain brewing, we will need a large 10 gallon pot.  If you have an electric stove or even a standard gas stove, heating that much volume to a boil would take a hot minute (pun intended).  A propane burner gets the job done much quicker.  It also allows us to brew outside so possible boil overs or other messes don't soil our nice floors.  In the absence of electricity, our propane burners will prove to be an integral part of our survival.  As long as we stocked up on full propane tanks, we can cook, brew beer, and sterilize water for months.  We could of course gather wood to make a fire, but we all know what happens when you wander too far in the ZA (RIP Dale and Sophia).  In addition to cooking, the propane tank/Molotov combo is a great way to wipe out a massive herd.  Just roll a tank to an approaching group of zombies and follow up with one of our trusty Molotovs.

Cleaner and Sanitizer
Brewer's Use: Cleaning and sanitizing anything that comes into contact with yeast after our boil
ZA Use: Cleaning and sanitizing zombie bits

Star San is a great dual-purpose zombie/beer sanitizer

Getting zombie brains all over your newly found katana, morning star, or hatchet is just a bummer.  Luckily, we already own cleaning and sanitizing solutions home brewers use to make sure our yeast isn't contaminated by harmful microorganisms.  Just fill a bucket (which we also have in our home brew stash) with a water/sanitizer solution, and let your weapons soak for a while.  Because we won't know exactly how the virus spreads, it's good to cover our bases.

The Beer
Brewer's Use: Drinking
ZA Use: Sustenance and bartering

Since we already have everything required to brew, let's make some beer in between zombie herds. Due to the new nomadic nature of our existence, we probably won't have much free brewing time. We might want to consider brewing partial-mash batches, which takes far less time than all-grain.  In all-grain, we produce our own wort (the product of mashing) from our fresh grains, whereas in partial-mash, we use prepackaged malt extracts in place of mashing.  Using malt extract sheds about 2.5 hours from the brewing process, because we skip the mashing and sparging processes.  Since we won't have the means of controlling our external temperatures, we will have to exclusively brew ales.  Ale yeast is more forgiving and, depending on our desired style, it ferments between 65-78 degrees, which is a workable range in a Southern zombie apocalypse.

Our zombie ales will serve two primary functions.  The obvious one is of course sustenance.  In a previous post (Light Beer and Beer Calories), we went over the caloric content range of beers.  A 12oz spans from about 120-400 calories depending on the alcohol content.  While accompanying baked beans and squirrels, our ales will provide a good bit of zombie-fighting calories and nutrients.  Zombies tested, brewers approved.

 The home brews will also serve an economic purpose.  Since monetary currency will be worthless, our new economy will revolve around the barter system.  If some shells bought the whole island of Manhattan, think about how much a couple of cases of beer could get you in the apocalypse.

The Dutch bartered for Manhattan with $23 worth of beads and shells.  Chump change compared to what two cases of beer could have afforded.

 Any group that counts you as a member will be an economic powerhouse as long as the precious commodity is well guarded. The three most valuable members in any zombie apocalypse group are a doctor, mechanic, and of course, a brewer.

 Water treatment chemicals and pH tester
 Brewer's Use: Modifying the pH and hardness of our mash and sparging water
ZA Use: Measuring pH of possible water sources and treating it as needed

 Depending on your location, the water you use may need some treating to reach proper brewing pH and salinity levels.  Mash Stabilizer, gypsum, lactic acid, and calcium chloride are all brewing tools available to alter pH levels of the mashing and sparging water.  In the ZA, securing safe drinking and brewing water will be a necessity for survival.  With our pH kits, we will be able to test and treat (along with our pots and gas burner) potential sources of water and lower/raise its pH level as needed. 

Miscellaneous
In addition to all of the equipment and products listed above, some other dual purpose items you can be creative with in our brewing kit include thermometers, funnels, bottle cappers, 6 gallon jugs, large spoons, stirring paddles, strainers, brushes, carbon-dioxide and nitrogen tanks, and copper tubing (wort chillers). 

 Now that you know how home brewing Today will save your life in the inevitable event of a zombie apocalypse in the future, just make sure you bring some extra pint glasses along for the ride.  Wouldn't want to break your only one and end up like this guy:

"That's not fair at all. There was time now. There was all the time and beer I needed...! That's not fair!"