Atlanta and Southeast Beer Festival Guide: Know Before you Go Part II: Atlanta July-December, North Carolina, and Tennessee

In the previous installment of the beer festival guide, we covered January-June, which just happens to be the peak months for Atlanta festivals.  Things definitely slow down in the second half of the year with the holiday season, but there are still some gems left.  July-December. Now.  Let's do it!

Georgia July-December

Chateau Elan Vineyard Fest

Location- Chateau Elan, Braselton
Time of Year- August
Tickets Limited- Y
VIP Available- N
Beer Quality/Selection-B
Venue- A
Heat- B
VIP Section-N/A
Bathroom- A
Charity- N
Overall- B+


Like the Buckhead Wine Festival, the Cheatau Elan Vineyard Fest is an otter hiding in sheep's clothes (Note: otters are awesome).  Once again, the primary emphasize is of course on wine.  However, hop heads will be happy to discover about 6-8 breweries have infiltrated the grape juice party.  The indoor/outdoor festival grounds at the Chateau Elan are excellent, but it can get pretty hot.  Tickets are steep at $75 each, however, in addition to all the beer and grape juice you can drink, fest-goers are also treated to a wide variety of gourmet food at no extra cost. So hang your tennis sweater around your neck, and make sure to attend this one if you have the disposal income to do so.  It's simply divine.
In Conclusion: Among the highest priced festivals, but worth it for the high quality grape juice, beer, and food.

Attendees flocking to the beer tables at the Vineyard Festival

German Beer Festival

Location- Woodruff Park, Downtown ATL
Time of Year- August
Tickets Limited- N
VIP Available- N
Beer Quality/Selection-B-
Venue- B
Heat- C-
VIP Section-N/A
Bathroom- B
Charity- N
Overall- C+

The German Beer Festival supposedly kicks off Oktoberfest in Atlanta despite being held about a month prior to its official beginning.  The venue is Downtown Woodruff Park, which on any other day would be full of homeless people.  Taking MARTA is pretty much a necessity.  Ample shade, which you will certainly need on what is always a hot day, is available, but the main thoroughfare is a completely exposed, grassy expanse. Ticket prices are very cheap at about $25 in advance.  Every year this festival seems to grow in popularity and becomes more and more congested.  Lines for beer grow increasingly long as the fest progresses, but fortunately, the wait for the bathrooms are never too bad.  The beer selection aptly consists of only German beers, which means quality is good, but the variety of breweries and styles is extremely limited (Hefeweizens, Pilseners, Dunkels, Rauches, Oktoberfests/Marzens, and Dopplebocks).  They might have stopped doing this, but if you see a wooden keg being brought out, make sure to hover close by it.  The head German consular of Atlanta taps the ceremonial first keg, and if you're in the right place at the right time, you can be one of the lucky ones who gets a liter stein from the display.  If you don't want to bother with all of that, you could try to sneak in a liter stein to use during the festival.  Und wir sagen, BIER MACHT SPASS!!
In Conclusion:  Hot, crowded, and a limited variety of beers but fairly fun.  If the ticket price wasn't so low, I would say skip it.

A double-fisting Oliver Kahn fanatic at the German Beer Festival

Helen Oktoberfest
Location- Helen, primarily in the Festhall
Time of Year- September-November
Tickets Limited- N
VIP Available- N
Beer Quality/Selection-B
Venue- B
Heat- B+
VIP Section-N/A
Bathroom- B
Charity- N
Overall- B

 The redneck mountain vacation mecca of Helen holds their annual Oktoberfest celebration from September to November.  Just a warning, the roads from Atlanta become extremely congested with city slickers dressed in their Costume City-bought lederhossen and slutty beer maiden outfits, and the town jacks up the prices for everything during this high-season period.  In addition to perusing the wide selection of Calvin-pissing-on-things truck decals, Elvis screen-printed hand bags, and other tawdry redneck tchotchke crap in the town's shops, Oktoberfest visitors can pay to enter the Festhall (Free on Sundays), which is ground-zero for the beer-drinking.  Any brews you purchase in the Festhall cost extra, but the good news is they have a pretty decent selection of German beers, including Augustiner, at reasonable prices.  Smoking is allowed in the pavilion, so if you're like me and hate cancer, be prepared.  While you drink, you can listen to a live Oompa band and wonder why you just bought some redneck knicknack that you will inevitably dump off at Goodwill in a year.
In Conclusion:  A good weekend escape for Atlanta city-dwellers, but be prepared for traffic, large crowds, spiked prices, Confederate flags on pickup trucks, and buyer's remorse.

Harpo the Dog loves a good dopplebark at Helen's Oktoberfest

The Decatur Beer Festival

Location- Decatur Square
Time of Year- October
Tickets Limited- Y
VIP Available- N
Beer Quality/Selection- B+
Venue-A
Heat- B+
VIP Section- N/A
Bathroom- A
Charity- Y
Overall- A

The Decatur BF is one of the premier festivals in the Southeast.  Tickets are limited to 4,000 and sell out within two hours of opening sales online.  Weather is usually great, and it takes place on the Decatur Square, which spans a pretty large area.  Unfortunately, in recent years the festival organizers have decided to only feature American breweries, so you won't find any great imports here.  Despite the blatant jingoism, the fest still manages to offer some great beers.  Make it a priority to be by your computer when the tickets go on sale.  If you miss the online ticket sales, don't look on Craigslist until a week before the festival.  Second-hand tickets usually start at about $80 right after online sales, but invariably drop to face value ($40-45) closer to the festival date.  Proceeds go to various non-profits in the Decatur area.
In Conclusion: Despite neglecting to offer imports, one of the best beer fests in Atlanta

If you go to the Decatur BF, you might be lucky enough to throw one back with "Anthony Bourdain"

Grayson Brews and Blues Festival
Location- City Center of Grayson, OTP (Outside the Perimeter for all you OTPers)
Time of Year- October
Tickets Limited- N
VIP Available- N
Beer Quality/Selection- B-
Venue-B+
Heat- B+
VIP Section- N/A
Bathroom- A
Charity- N
Overall- B+


The Grayson B&B Festival is a hidden little OTP gem that not many ITPers attend or know about.  The event takes place in a shady park in the center of the Northeastern Metro Atlanta town of Grayson.  Although the beer selection isn't anything to write home about, the lack of crowds and the temperate weather make this festival worth the drive and price of admission.  Arrive early, because you can  really bag a lot of swag in this fest if you have any room at all for more beer glasses in your bar (I don't).
In Conclusion: Smaller crowds, a nice venue, and cooler temperatures make up for an underwhelming beer list

The Taste of Atlanta- VIP Only
Location- Midtown at Tech Square
Time of Year- October
Tickets Limited- Y
VIP Available- Y
Beer Quality/Selection- B+
Venue-B
Heat- B+
VIP Section- ONLY VIP
Bathroom- A
Charity- Not sure
Overall- B+


Atlanta's yearly culinary street festival spans an entire October weekend (Friday-Sunday), but in order to gain access to the beer, liquor, and wine you will need to shell out $75 in advance for a VIP ticket.  Although there aren't many breweries to choose from, the quality of beer and liquor is fairly high.  In addition to 15 food tickets for the general admission vendor areas (most items cost 3-6 tickets), your lah-di-da ticket includes unlimited gourmet food in the VIP area.  If you feel the need to splurge on something come October, this outing makes a great candidate.
In Conclusion: Pricey, but unlimited beer, liquor, wine and gourmet food always is

 

Setting up the display at ToA

 After October, the beer festival calendar grinds to a halt for the holiday season.  I haven't ever been to one in November or December, but if the trend continues, I'm sure we won't have to wait long for one to pop up.

North Carolina

The Raleigh World Beer Festival

Location- Moore Square, Downtown Raleigh
Time of Year- April
Tickets Limited- Y (Two Shifts)
VIP Available- Y
Beer Quality/Selection- C
Venue-C+
Heat- B-
VIP Section- A+
Bathroom- B
Charity- Y (Artsplosure) 
Overall- C-


*The festival runs two shifts (Afternoon and Evening), and you will have to buy your ticket for the time you want
There are several things I find terrible about this festival in the heart of Raleigh.  First, the wide majority of breweries are small brewpubs or breweries that have maybe three offerings at most.  It's great to give the smaller guys an opportunity at a beer festival.  The problem, however, is that just about all of them brew the exact same styles: a pale, an IPA, and a stout or porter.  If you think you'd enjoy table after table of those limited styles, this festival is right up your alley.  For those of you who would like a little more variety, look elsewhere.

The second knock is how they allocate the beer supply among the two shifts.  The masterminds of the festival think it's fair and a good idea to exhaust all the unique and most desirable beers during the first shift instead of allocating a certain amount for each shift.  Consequently, the evening attendees and their equally priced tickets will arrive to the festival seeing every table's unique beers crossed out from the menu.  If there was any offering other than the couple of styles noted above, they will be gone for the evening shift.

Finally, the festival loses points for its arrangement.  The whole event is located in three giant, long tents with narrow walkways flanked by beer booths.  On top of the difficulty pinballing through the congested thoroughfare, you won't even know what brewery or what beers you're waiting in line for until you reach the front. This festival isn't worth a 30 minute drive let alone a 6.5 hour one.  My fellow Atlantans, don't leave home for this one.  A portion of the proceeds goes to Artsplosure.
In Conclusion: A bloated, variety-less festival that screws half its attendees by charging them for beer that they'll never have an opportunity to try.  Skip it.

Tennessee

Knoxville Brewfest
Location- Southern Railway Terminal
Time of Year- June
Tickets Limited- Y
VIP Available- Y
Beer Quality/Selection- C+
Venue-B+
Heat- D+
VIP Section- (Haven't been)
Bathroom- B
Charity- Y  
Overall- B-


The last time I attended this festival was their inaugural year in 2011.  The venue is a really cool old train depot in a dodgy part of the city (We saw a stabbing later that night right across from the festival grounds).  The beer selection is nothing special, and there aren't that many to choose from.  As you can imagine, you will sweat this one out in the blistering Tennessee June heat.  The good news is that they limit the tickets to 1,900, so at least the crowds will be restrained, and the organizers can accurately plan their resources.  If you do choose to attend, don't linger around that area for too long after the event lest you too witness a violent crime.  A portion of proceeds goes to Cure Duchenne.
In Conclusion: A sweltering festival, in a unique albeit dangerous setting with a sub-par beer selection

The Nashville Beer Festival
Location- Public Square Park (Changed from 2011's Riverfront Park )
Time of Year- October
Tickets Limited- Y
VIP Available-N (Y in 2011)
Beer Quality/Selection- C+
Venue-A
Heat- B+
VIP Section- F-
Bathroom- F-
Charity- Y
Overall- F-


Simply put, the inaugural event in 2011 was the worst beer festival I have ever been to.  The only thing the organizers failed to majorly screw up was the venue, which was a great park right next to the river.  I think it would be easier to just bullet point all the terrible things about this one.

• When VIP guests arrived, none of the breweries had even set up, and there was no beer
• No security in the VIP section meant all the thousands of general admission holders could enter 
• 45 minute bathroom lines the longest of which were in the VIP section
• Obnoxious organizers who seemed to have arrived drunk shouting obscenities throughout the fest
• VIP beer section consisted of kegs that no one ever tapped, because the festival seemingly did not realize they would need taps and a CO2 system to serve draft beer
• The BBQ lunch spread promised in the VIP ticket description consisted of rice, beans, and corn all of which were cold, because no one thought to provide catering burners.  Not sure where the BBQ was.
• Ran out of souvenir pint glasses promised to all attendees
• No ticket limits and extremely poor planning led to enormous crowds and long lines for everything

But that was 2011.  Last year, I saw that the festival was mercifully under new management, and they even offered a coupon for attendees who survived the debacle of the previous year.  Thinking I would give the new guys a chance, I tried to take them up on their generous offers.  Unfortunately, there must still be some holdouts from the previous crew, because I didn't receive a reply for weeks.  At this late time, I could no longer attend, but I asked if I could just send a donation to the festival's charity, the Nashville Humane Society.  Not so surprisingly, the organizers never replied back, which makes me think these new guys are either just as inept, or they're actually the same people. By all means, DO NOT GO TO THIS ONE!
In Conclusion: Everything that can go wrong with a beer festival all in one terrible package


Thanks for reading!

Atlanta and Southeast Beer Fest Guide: Know Before you Go (January-June)

As a beer fan and promotional employee of a brewery, I have attended numerous beer fests in Georgia and neighboring states.  Beer festivals are a great way to try many different beers without having to purchase numerous 6-packs or pints.  Just several years ago, there were only a handful of beer festivals to choose from in the entire Southeast.  Now, new ones pop up every year, and brew fans have plenty of choices to satiate their suds needs.  Unfortunately, not all fests are created equal.  There are great ones out there, but there are also some where you wish you had stayed home and spent the money on several 6-packs instead. In an effort to help guide you to the better fests, I will assign every one I've been to a grade (F-A+) based on beer quality and selection, venue, heat (a very important factor in the Southeast), VIP section quality, and bathroom situation, which can ruin an otherwise good beer festival.

I will try to be as objective as possible, but ultimately these are opinions, and you may have a better or worse time at these than I did. I haven't been to every beer fest in Atlanta, (Hoptoberfest, Cask Ale Fest, Great Atlanta BF to name a few major ones) so if there's one I've left out or if there's some you've been to wherever you live, please feel free to add it in the comments and rate it yourself. 

Winter Beer Carnival

Location- Atlantic Station
Time of Year- February
Tickets Limited- N
VIP Available- Y
Beer Quality/Selection-B
Venue- B
Heat- B
VIP Section-B+
Bathroom- C+
Charity- N
Overall- C+

The Winter Beer Carnival in Atlantic Station is unique among BFs, because of the little rides and midway style games littered throughout the grounds.  Attendees might have to suffer through frigid February temperatures, so come prepared for the weather.  Due to no ticket limits, the fest runs out of beer within several hours.  Get there early or risk missing out on popular breweries.  VIP ticket worth it.
In Conclusion: Unique and fun, but needs better planning to avoid running out of beer so quickly

Turn your empty bottles into a carnival game at the Winter Beer Carnival

Beer, Bourbon, and BBQ Festival

Location- Atlantic Station
Time of Year- March
Tickets Limited- N
VIP Available- Y
Beer Quality/Selection- B
Venue-B
Heat- B
VIP Section- A-
Bathroom- B
Charity- N
Overall- B-

This festival is the most dangerous member of the list, because in addition to a decent amount of beers, fest-goers are also able to sample about 50 whiskeys.  Needless-to-say, people get sloppy hammered in this fest.  Weather can be very cold in this one too, so bring gloves and hat.  No limit to tickets, so it gets extremely crowded.  Get there early.  VIP gets early admission and access to a tent with free bacon and pork.  It's worth the splurge.
In Conclusion: Mega-crowds that get shwasted from mix of whiskey and beer.  Proceed with caution and bring mittens

Secret Stash Bash

Location- 5 Seasons and Taco Mac Prado, Sandy Springs
Time of Year- March
Tickets Limited- Y
VIP Available- N
Beer Quality/Selection- A+
Venue-A+
Heat- A
VIP Section-N/A
Bathroom-A
Charity- N
Overall-A+

Fred Crudder, the head beer guy of the entire Taco Mac chain, organized the first Secret Stash Bash earlier in March.  The objective of the festival is to offer rare and/or cellared beers from top breweries from around the world, and it does just that.  The beer is excellent (Duck Rabbit Russian Imperial Stout aged in 23-year old Pappy Van Winkle barrels FTW), the venue is great, and the limit of just 450 tickets ensures everyone's comfortable and has equal access to the beer.  Since it's such a special event, brewery reps and head brewers make it a priority to attend in person.  If you can get tickets, do it!  You will be very happy you did.
In Conclusions: Flawless

Suwanee Beer Festival

Location- Downtown Suwanee Park
Time of Year- March
Tickets Limited- N
VIP Available- Y
Beer Quality/Selection- C+
Venue-A
Heat- B+
VIP Section-A+
Bathroom- D
Charity- Y
Overall- B-

Suwanee earns the highest marks for their VIP section, which is loaded with about 20 cask ales and good food like shrimp cocktails.  Last year was a hot one, but that was a little abnormal for a mid-March day.  No ticket limits means the place admits way too many people, and bathrooms are at a premium.  In addition to the bathrooms, the other big knock on this festival is that, starting this year, they aren't including any imports.  Why you would want to exclude a world of great beer from your fest is beyond me, but that's what they've chosen to do (Decatur BF set the precedent).  A portion of the proceeds goes to Kingdom Kids charity.
In Conclusion: Great VIP section, but marks off for domestics-only and stifling crowds

Living Social Buckhead Beer and Wine Festival

Location- Frankie Allen Park Buckhead
Time of Year- March/April
Tickets Limited- N
VIP Available- Y
Beer Quality/Selection- C+
Venue-B+
Heat- B
VIP Section- F
Bathroom-B
Charity- N
Overall- C 

Living Social organized its inaugural beer fest last year, and there's definitely some room for improvement.  Last year, fest-goers were treated to a monsoon-like downpour, which is fairly common during that time of the year.  The crowd tends to be younger, yuppy types who make a bee-line to the Blue Moon tent.  Hardcore beer connoisseurs may feel a little out of place here.  Beer selection is average at best.  The absolute worst VIP section I've ever seen with about six or seven very average beers available (I guess VIP is relative in this case).  Definitely skip a VIP ticket and possibly the entire festival.
In Conclusion: Fledgling festival with average beer selection, terrible VIP section, and a yuppy crowd

Athens/Classic City Beer Festival

Location- The Foundry Inn, Downtown Athens
Time of Year- April
Tickets Limited- Y
VIP Available- N
Beer Quality/Selection- A+
Venue-A
Heat- B+
VIP Section- N/A
Bathroom- A
Charity- Y
Overall- A

The Athens BF is one of the best run festivals on the circuit.  The weather is usually a perfect Spring day, and the spread out indoor/outdoor venue of the Foundry Inn is great.  In addition to the expansive selection of bottled beer, the festival now features a cask ale pavilion with unique and rare cask creations from breweries across the Southeast.  A limited amount of tickets means the festival can accurately plan their beer supply and bathroom situation.  It's worth the drive to attend this one.  A portion of the proceeds goes to the Athens Humane Society.
In Conclusion: One of the oldest and best beer festivals in the entire region

Wayne Baxter of Monkey Wrench Brewing expertly hammers the cask bung (heh) at the Classic City Beer Festival

Dunwoody Beer Festival- (DISCONTINUED)

As I checked the website to the see this year's date, I found out that the fest has been indefinitely discontinued.  I won't shed any tears over this one.  It was always extremely hot and took place in giant heat-collecting tents on the all-asphalt venue of the Perimeter Mall parking lot.  Sub-par beer selection+Shock Top crowd+extreme heat= good riddance.
In Conclusion: Creative destruction is a bitch.

Heritage Sandy Springs Beer Festival
Location- Heritage Park, Sandy Springs
Time of Year- April
Tickets Limited-N
VIP Available-N
Beer Quality/Selection- C+
Venue-A
Heat- B
VIP Section-N/A
Bathroom-B+
Charity- Y
Overall- B

I was lucky enough to stumble upon the inaugural festival back in 2010, and although it's pretty small-scale, I had a good time.  For what the fest lacks in beer variety (only about 70 beers), it makes up for in its grassy, amphitheatre-esque venue.  I personally like this festival, because although tickets aren't capped, you won't be overwhelmed by crowds.  All proceeds go to the Heritage Sandy Springs.
In Conclusion:The Heritage is a solid smaller beer fest worth the ticket price.

Just two burly men having a good time at the Heritage Sandy Springs BF

Buckhead Wine Festival

Location- East Andrews Complex
Time of Year-April
Tickets Limited-Y
VIP Available-Y
Beer Quality/Selection- C
Venue-A
Heat- C
VIP Section- A
Bathroom-A
Charity- Y
Overall- B

I threw in the Buckhead Wine Festival, because although it emphasizes wine, the festival includes four or five breweries for the men who've been dragged along for the ride.  Although the selection is small, the quality is pretty good (Monk's Mead e.g.).  The greenhouse-like atrium of the East Andrews Complex does a great job of trapping in heat, so it can be a little uncomfortable.  However, the smaller crowd and high quality of beers make this a great event for guys to earn brownie points with their ladies while still enjoying some good brews.  Only problem is you have to drink the beer out of wine glasses, which cramps my style.  Proceeds go to the Atlanta Community Food Bank. 
In Conclusion: A hidden gem for beer drinkers.  Don't let the name fool you.

People's delight when they discover there's beer at a wine festival.  It's truly magical.

East Atlanta Beer Festival

Location- Brownwood Park
Time of Year- May
Tickets Limited-N
VIP Available-Y
Beer Quality/Selection- B+
Venue-A
Heat- B+
VIP Section- B+
Bathroom-B+
Charity- Y
Overall- B+

For a festival that doesn't limit ticket sales, the EA Fest is one of the best.  The venue, Brownwood Park, offers ample shade for what will most likely be a pretty hot day.  Although tickets are unlimited, the large expanse of the park spreads out the crowd, so it never seems stifling.  Beer selection is pretty good, and the VIP section is worth it in this case.  Profits go to the East Atlanta Community.
In Conclusion: Great early Summer beer fest that offers plenty of shade for a hot day   

Even  Quail Man  makes it a priority to attend the East Atlanta BF

Brookhaven Beer Festival

Location- Brookhaven MARTA Station Access Road (Apple Valley Rd.), how beautiful.
Time of Year- June
Tickets Limited- N
VIP Available- N
Beer Quality/Selection- C+
Venue-D
Heat- D
VIP Section- N/A
Bathroom- C
Charity- Y
Overall- C-

What can I say about this one?  Extremely hot, terrible all-asphalt venue right by the MARTA parking lot, narrow walkway clogged with people (good luck trying to make your way to the bathroom), average at best beer selection, Blue Moon crowd, no ticket limit.  Feel free to skip this one.  Portion of proceeds goes to the Atlanta Fundraising Foundation.
In Conclusion: Not worth it

Atlanta Summer Beer Festival

Location- Masquerade Music Park
Time of Year- June
Tickets Limited- N
VIP Available- N
Beer Quality/Selection- B+
Venue- B
Heat-D-
VIP Section- N/A
Bathroom- B
Charity- N
Overall-B+

The ATL Summer BF is brought to you by the same organizers as the Winter BF (not Winter Carnival), Great ATL BF on Turner Field, and Hogs and Hops.  The worst part of this festival is the scorching heat, which makes it tough to stick around for too long.  What I really like about this one is that most of its offerings are on tap, which is quite unique in the world of beer fests.  The venue is a grassy, shadeless expanse in the back of the Masquerade.  If you can survive the heat, go for it. 
In Conclusion: Enjoying the wide selection of draft beer is made difficult by the sweltering heat

NEXT INSTALLMENT: July-December for Georgia and some Tennessee and North Carolina festivals

How to get your Lady to like Beer Part III:Leaping into Hops

I Hop, you Hop, some of us Hop for Hops

In the previous "How to get your Lady to Like Beer" installments, we covered basic lagers and ales and progressed to the malty, high-gravity styles like Russian Imperial Stouts and Belgian Quads.  Today, we're going to leap into hops, which can be a rather acquired taste compared to the previous styles.

In a previous, severely unread post (What's in your Beer), I explained how hop varieties and their unique alpha acid (AA%) characteristics impart International Bittering Units (IBUs) to beer through the boiling process.  In addition to bittering, hops also produce aromatic compounds that give beer its floral, earthy, piny, and/or citrusy bouquet depending on what varieties are used.

Admittedly, very hoppy beers are not for everyone, and unless it's done in a balanced way, extreme IBUs can, in my opinion, be overwhelmingly bitter and painful to drink.  In recent years, a good handful of American and a couple of European breweries have engaged in a bit of a hops arms race where each has attempted to brew a beer with higher IBUs than its competition with little consideration given to how the beer actually tastes (Mikkeller 1000 IBUs).) I find this practice to be poppy cock, and I will have none of it. However, for better or for worse depending on your tastes, slapping on an "American" in front of a style (e.g. American Pilsener) almost always implies it contains higher IBUs than its European namesake.  More hops is as American as cherry pie and Jason Biggs. 

After that warning, it's important to reiterate that a beer with high IBUs doesn't necessarily mean it will taste extremely bitter.  Very malty beers, like Russian Imperial Stouts for example, finish with high IBUs, because generous portions of hops are necessary to balance the amount of  malts required to bump the gravity up.  In all the beers featured in this page, you will easily detect the IBUs due to the lower malt profiles' lack of sweetness, which won't mask the bitterness of the hops.  So let's get hoppy, because life's too short.

NOTE: The below IBU range statistics are taken from the BJCP 2008 Guidelines Here

Step I: English Pale Ale  IBUs: 25-50
The English pale ale is a great introduction to the world of hops, and I personally love the style.  EPAs are sessionable ales characterized by low gravities, medium maltiness, and mild, floral hop usage.  These are the type of beers you can drink pint after pint of at the pub and still be sober enough to watch The Mighty Boosh when you get back to your flat.  EPAs are further broken down into the following categories from ascending IBU order:

Standard/Ordinary Bitter: e.g.Boddington's, Fuller's Chiswick Bitter, Tetley's
Special/Best/Premium Bitter: e.g. Fuller's London Pride, Young's Special, Goose Island Honkers
Extra Special/Strong Bitter (ESB): Fuller's ESB, Bass, Old Speckled Hen

EPAs and the Mighty Boosh are my favorite British exports

Step II: American Pale Ale (APA) (IBUs 30-45)
The American Pale Ale is the style that launched the U.S. craft beer movement and the utilization of purely American hops.  APAs are one of my favorite styles, because they showcase uniquely citrusy and earthy American hops (Simcoe, Cascade, Centennial, Citra, Chinook e.g.) without going overboard with the IBUs.  Of course the paradigm of the style is Sierra Nevada's Pale Ale, which I maintain has been the best APA for over 30 years.  APAs will serve to acclimate your lady's palette and nose to American hop styles, which will be in abundance in the American IPA style coming up.

Sierra Nevada now grows their own hops on their property.  Try their Estate Ale for a beer with optimal hop freshness.

Step III: English IPA (IBUs 40-60)
The English IPA (India Pale Ale) style originated from the need for beer to last the months-long journey from England to it's "Jewel in the Crown" colony, India.  A generous addition of antibiotic hops helped to preserve beer and prevent it from becoming infected.

 I love English IPAs for their delicate use of hops and malt balance.  English IPAs tend to consist of more floral hops and aromas than their American counterparts and come in at much lower IBUs.  The lack of extreme IBUs, in my opinion, allows you to appreciate the hops much more, because it won't destroy your palette.  If you ever have a chance to try an English IPA on cask (warmer temperature and softer carbonation), do it!  Hop aromas and flavors shine brightest in cask IPAs, because they aren't masked by high carbonation and unnecessary cold serving temperatures.  Commercial examples include: Samuel Smith India Ale, Fuller's IPA, and Goose Island IPA.

Inbetweeners is another excellent UK export

Step IV: American IPA (IBUs 40-70)
We're now venturing into acquired taste territory, which may not be for everybody.  Compared to English IPAs, American versions tend to ramp up the IBUs and utilize dry hopping.  Dry hopping is the process of adding hops to the beer after the boil.  Since hops only release bittering Alpha Acids when boiled, the only point of dry hopping is to enhance hop aroma in the finished product.  With that said, American IPAs smell and taste strongly of native hops. 

AIPAs can range from pale yellow to jet black (Black IPAs), and abv% should run from 5.5% to 7.5%.  Good or bad,  IPAs have completely dominated the American craft beer landscape for the past decade or so.  Just about every American brewery has their own version of an IPA  Fortunately for us, the beauty of IPAs is that there are literally an infinite number (is that an oxymoron?) of hop, malt, and brewing technique combinations you can use to brew one.  No two IPAs are the same, so you have a lot of drinking to do.  I could write an endless list of commercial examples, but some of my favorites are Heavy Seas Loose Cannon, Bell's Hop Slam, and Victory Hop Devil. 

Step V: Imperial IPA/Double IPA (DIPAs) (IBUs 60-120)
To be honest, I'm not a big fan of this style and wouldn't hold it against you or your lady if you just cower from this final hop step.  Imperial IPAs wrench up the ABV to 10+% in many cases and can feature a ridiculous amount of hops that will literally burn your throat.  Unfortunately, brewers will often abandon taste and balance in favor of a high IBU number on the label to attract rabid hop heads who jump over themselves to drink a beer that threatens to obliterate their hardened taste buds. 

If you want to try to find an Imperial IPA you might like, ask for a sample before you order a whole glass.  It can be pretty tough to finish a whole 10-12oz pour (customary for high gravs) of these babies, especially if you're fairly new to hops.  Caveat Emptor. 

Well my friends, we've been on quiet an epic beer journey from fruit beers to Russian Imperial Stouts, to Double IPAs.  I think at the end of this, we can all come clean and admit this guide has been more for you than for your "lady" friend, whose real name may or may not be Ronaiah Tuiasosopo. 

Beer goes great with catfish

For those of you reading in the US, UK, and Germany and other far away places, thank you, and continue to do so.  Recently, I realized my comment section had been disabled for non-followers. It should work now, so let the insults fly.  Cheers!

The Anheuser-Busch InBev/Miller Coors Empire: The Good, the Bad, and the Bubbly

Ever drank a Kona Pipeline Porter?  Goose Island Matilda?  How about the sessionable, pub ale, Boddington's?  If so, did you know you were drinking an Anheuser-Busch InBev or Miller Coors-owned product? 

Thanks to one of my home brew friends, I recently came across a list of breweries partly or wholly owned by either Anheuser-Busch (AB) InBev or Miller Coors.  The amount of breweries these conglomerates collectively own is staggering.  Take a look here: Big Brewers Brands (Thanks to Brookston Beer Bulletin for compiling the list, which is not an easy task).

Even one of our own local breweries, Terrapin, although not on the above list, is partly owned by Millers Coors (Terrapin/Miller Coors Deal). 

Among this list, I personally often drink the European brands Spaten, Beck's, Franziskaner, Leffe, Stella Artois, and Pilsener Urquell.  I never knew until now they had "sold out" so to speak, and on second inspection, may not even be so European anymore. 

Beck's, founded in Bremen, Germany in 1873, now brews out of St. Louis for all products sold in America

When I first skimmed the list, I was about to dust off the bongo drums and write an anti-multinational corporation diatribe about how no good could possibly come from traditional and microbreweries selling away their souls and identities to make a quick buck (or millions of bucks). 

Indeed, it is a little unsettling  to see 600 year old breweries such as Spaten with proud traditional brewing values being bought out by a multinational corporation.  Will quality suffer in favor of an enormous amount of quantity?  Will the brewers continue to produce their beers the same way they've been brewing for centuries, or will InBev/Miller Coors forcibly influence how and what they brew to maintain a comfortable profit margin?  In America, will the lack of independent control hinder innovation in favor of what comfortably appeals to the masses? But then, as I'm so apt to do, I got to thinking. . .

There's a picture for everything on the internet

Would most of these foreign brands even be available in the U.S. if it wasn't for the financial backing of the heavy hitters?  Would you find the Argentinian beer Quilmes, for example, in your local Kroger if it wasn't for the shipping, importation, storage, and distribution capabilities of AB InBev or Miller Coors?  If it wasn't for AB InBev, would a 12-pack of Spaten Oktoberfest still cost only $11.99 at the local package store, or would it sell for $12.99 a 6-pack like its independent, Bavarian counterpart, Augustiner? 

Augustiner is my favorite Bavarian brewery and is still independently owned and operated in Munich going on its 700th year.  But damn is it expensive!

Ultimately, brewing is a business.  To be fair, the principle objective of any passionate brewer is to make great beer.  However, the second goal of commercial brewing is to be able to make a living (hopefully a comfortable one) from turning your dream into a reality.  For a brewery, the profit margin for a case of beer is miniscule (Three Tier System).  Beer producers must sell a substantial volume in order to turn a profit, and the best way to do that is to increase capacity and expand to new markets.  For better or worse, InBev and Miller Coors can financially and logistically support a brewery looking to expand in exchange for a part or full stake in the business.  

Unfortunately, from the perspective of small, independently-owned microbreweries, the big two and their "sell outs" pose an unfair competitive advantage.  The smaller guys sell less volume, and thus must sell their products at a higher price than those supported by large corporations.  For the average consumer just looking for a 6-pack to bring to a party, $6.99 for Spaten looks a lot more attractive than $8.99 for Jailhouse e.g.  Needless-to-say, microbrewery owners, understandably, are opponents of corporate takeovers. 

In summation, the corporate arms race between AB InBev and Millers Coors is a double edged sword (of Damocles for independent brewers).  Conquered breweries often forfeit their traditional identities and methods, and possible quality, in exchange for larger markets, increased exposure, and greater brewing capacity. Also, small, independent breweries must struggle to compete with the low prices and ubiquitous exposure of the acquired brands.  However, without the financial aid of the big two, we most likely would never have had the chance to try many of these beers, and if we did, they would come at a much higher price than what we've grown accustomed to. 

Now that's some fair and balanced coverage!